The mind rules the belly

12 Oct

There was once a boy in my life who decided to say goodbye. Me being as emotional as I am, didn’t take it very well and wasn’t ready for goodbyes just yet. For me, my only option was to not eat. I gained about 20 pounds throughout our relationship, but I didn’t actually notice until after the break up. It started with simply just being too upset, not wanting to eat, (that was how Sam coped with everything) to realizing that I was losing weight and using it as a way of getting “healthy.” When I saw the difference I set a goal with the ridiculous behavior. I was at a good 180 pounds, and I stand at about 5 feet 6 inches so that is a little too much weight. I managed to drop myself down to about 145 from the end of September to the beginning of November. I continued on this way through the holidays. My family could tell and would always confront me on it. I tried to tell them and myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. They let it go only because they did see me eat, but the only time I ate is when they were watching. Winter time was difficult though, because everything you do is based around food. I started my job at Bottled Fitness in December. At that point I had received so much ridicule from my sisters that I had enough.

In the beginning it was super easy to starve. It didn’t bother me much. As time went on though, it caused me a lot of pain. I began to feel sick. My hair starting falling out, not to the point that people noticed but if you ran your fingers through my hair a huge clump would fall out. I felt sick to my stomach at all times. This terrible, burning pain ran through my body constantly. It sounds awful and it was, but I didn’t care because I was losing weight. And if I finally did eat something, I could eat a couple spoon full’s and feel even sicker than I did before I ate. I also was ill almost through the entire winter season. It was like I had a cold for three months. I just simply had no nutrition in my body. It also became difficult to be active. If I tried to do anything that involved physical activity, I would get exhausted immediately.

Being surrounded by people all day that are super healthy and always trying to better themselves and other people, kind of made me feel really bad about it, so it was time for a change. I’m just really happy now that I have developed a little bit of common sense, and now I take care of myself properly. I’ve managed to stay consistently at 145 pounds since January. It’s a great feeling knowing that I’m able to do this all on my own and still eat food.

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